Church Lights: How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.

Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.

Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.

Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old bulb was.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish: What's a light bulb?

Candles
Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father O'Rafferty.

"Hello," said the Father, "and how is Mrs, ODonovan? Didn't I marry ya two years ago?"

She replied "Aye, that you did, Father,"

"And be there any little ones yet?"

"No, not yet, Father," she said.

"Well now, I'm going to Rome next week. I'll light a candle few ya." "Oh thank ya Father." And away she went.

Some years later they met again. "Well now, Mrs. O'Donovan," said the Father, "how are yoy? said the Father.

"Oh, very well "said she. "And tell me," he said, "have you any little ones yet?"

"Oh yes, Father, Ive had three sets of twins and four singles, oh yes, ten in all."

"Now isn't that wonderful!" he said. "And how is your wonderful husband?"

Oh," she said, "E's gone to Rome to blow out yer' bloody candle."