Ten Things a Cat Thinks About

1. I could have sworn I heard the can opener.

2. Is there something I'm not getting when humans make noise with their mouths?

3. Why doesn't the government do something about dogs?

4. I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have ulterior motives?

5. Hmmm ... If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can't we cats ever get these stupid dogs to do anything for us?

6. This looks like a good spot for a nap.

7. Hey -- no kidding, I'm sure that's the can opener.

8. Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of their own if we cats hadn't given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place?

9. If there's a God, how can He allow neutering?

10. If that really was the can opener, I'll play finicky just to let them know who's boss.

Quiz For Humans About Cats
Your cat waits and meows at the front door when you arrive. Is it saying?
a) Welcome home, I missed you.
b) The phone rang twice while you were out.
c) Feed me, *NOW*
d) So, I see you didn't bring me the mate I asked for? Your pillow is history.

Your cat meows at the door when you go out. Is it saying?
a) Please don't leave me here all alone.
b) Have a nice day.
c) But what if I get hungry while you out?
d) Kiss that new vase goodbye.

Your cat digs its claws in your leg. This is?
a) An unsuppressed primal instinct.
b) A sign of affection.
c) A demand to be fed NOW.
d) Have YOU had YOUR shots?
e) An attempt to 'fix' you like you 'fixed' him.

Your cat scratches at the door after being fed. Is it saying?
a) Lemme out - I need to fertilize the garden.
b) Wanna go out and play?
c) Wonder what they've got to eat next door?
d) Do I mark my territory outside, or inside?

When your cat stares at you, it means:
a) It is bored silly.
b) It's trying to understand how its food grows in cans.
c) You are being sized-up for an attack.
d) Human mating habits are disgusting.

Your cat brings a dead mouse/bird into the house. This means:
a) A primal instinct is being displayed
b) You're not feeding me enough
c) It is showing a sign of affection by sharing
d) It is demonstrating the fact that it knows how to kill; be warned
e) All of the above

Your cat displays signs it wants to mate with other cats in the neighborhood. You should:
a) Let it out immediately.
b) Try to switch it's interests to other things.
c) Put on heavy protective clothing if you are not planning to let it out.
d) If the other cat's owner is attractive, maybe you could double.

Your cat sleeps with you; covering your face. This means:
a) It is showing you great affection.
b) It knows you are allergic to cats.
c) It has discovered the fine art of suffocation.
d) You should have let it out tonight.