It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man pounds on the door.

"Please let me in," says the man. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one."

"OK" says the butcher. "Let me see what's left."

He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.

"That one's too skinny. What else have you got?" the man asks.

The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes, then brings the same turkey back out to the man.

"Oh no," says the man, "that one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them."

Top Ten Dr. Kevorkian Tips For a Festive Thanksgiving

10. Not enough chairs at the table? Kill one of the guests

9. To give your turkey that smokey flavor, leave it in the garage with a car running.

8. A fake severed finger in the stuffing is a sure laugh-getter.

7. Have pumpkin sign an affidavit before you cut it up and make a pie

6. Watch Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and look for my new balloon, "Harry The Hypodermic Needle.

5. For fun, point to dozing relative and announce, "I injected her!"

4. Reenact story of the Pilgrims' first assisted suicide.

3. If the turkey is good, describe it as "terminally juicy."

2. At end of meal stand up and proclaim, "We all have the right to diet!"

1. Two words: gravy I.V.