All I Need To Know About Life, I Learned From A Cow

Wake up in a happy mooo-d.

Don't cry over spilled milk.

When chewing your cud, remember: There's no fat, no calories, no cholesterol, and no taste!

The grass is green on the other side of the fence.

Turn the udder cheek and mooo-ve on.

Seize every opportunity and milk it for all its worth!

It's better to be seen and not herd.

Honor thy fodder and thy mother and all your udder relatives.

Never take any bull from anybody.

Always let them know who's the bossy.

Stepping on cowpies brings good luck.

Black and white is always an appropriate fashion statement.

Don't forget to cow-nt your blessings every day.

A rancher was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his four-year-old son standing at the fence, wide-eyed and soaking in the whole event.

The rancher thought to himself, "Great, now I'm gonna have to explain the 'birds and bees'. Well, no need to jump the gun. I'll just let him ask the questions and I'll answer as best I can."

After everything was over, the rancher walked over to his son and said, "Well, son, do you have any questions?"

"Just one," gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit the cow?"