Enter Heaven
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"

"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."

The patient shook his head gingerly as he slowly regained consciousness.

"Well Doc..." he asked, "tell me was the operation a success ?"

"Sorry son." was the reply. "I'm afraid I'm not your doctor, I'm Saint Peter."
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God is tired, worn out. So he speaks to St. Peter, "You know, I need a vacation. Got any suggestions where I should go?"

St. Peter, thinking, nods his head, then says, "How about Jupiter?

It's nice and warm there this time of the year."

God shakes His head before saying, "No. Too much gravity.

You know how that hurts my back." "Hmmm," St. Peter reflects.

"Well, how about Mercury?"

"No way!" God mutters, "It's way too hot for me there!"

"I've got it," St. Peter says, his face lighting up. "How about going down to Earth for your vacation?"

Chuckling, God remarks, "Are you kidding? Two thousand years ago went there, had an affair with some nice Jewish girl, and they're STILL talking about it!"

Three Nun Wishes
Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven, where they are met at the Pearly Gates by Peter. He says, "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I'm granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be."

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren," and poof she's gone.

The second says, "I want to be Madonna," and poof she's gone.

The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini."

St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says. "Sara Pipalini," replies the nun. St. Peter shakes his head and says; "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says... "No sister, this says "Sahara Pipeline" laid by 5000 men in 6 months.