"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damned good."
-- Drew Carey

"If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all."
-- Rodney Dangerfield

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
-- George Burns

"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."
-- George Burns

"Using Viagra is like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building."
-- Harvey Korman

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
-- Groucho Marx

There are a number of mechanical devices Which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes Benz 380 SL.
-- Lynn Lavner

According to a new survey, women say they Feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
-- Robert De Niro

You know "that look" women get when they Want sex? Me neither.
-- Steve Martin

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just Need a place.
-- Billy Crystal

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
-- Tom Clancy

Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
-- Robin Williams

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.
-- Rod Stewart

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
-- Woody Allen

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
-- Rodney Dangerfield

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.
-- Sharon Stone

My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading.
-- Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)

My mother never saw the irony in calling me son-of-a-bitch.
-- Jack Nicholson

Hockey is a sport for white men.
Basketball is a sport for black men.
Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
-- Tiger Woods

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.
-- Jerry Seinfeld

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are Reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
-- Dustin Hoffman

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
-- Robin Williams