The Truth In 13 Words...
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.

What I Have Learned As I Matured

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better have a big weenie or huge boobs.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

Pass this along to 5 friends...trust me, they'll appreciate it. Who knows, maybe something good will happen.

If not...tough shit

Now I lay me down to sleep.
I pray the Lord my shape to keep.
Please no wrinkles, please no bags-
And, please lift my butt before it sags.
Please no age spots, please no gray-
And, as for my belly, please take it away.
Please keep me healthy, please keep me young-
And, thank you Dear Lord for all that you've done!