How
Soon?
When the surgeon came to see his blonde patient on the day after her operation,
she asked him somewhat hesitantly just how long it would be before she
could resume her sex life.
"Uh, I hadn't really thought about it" replied the stunned surgeon. "You're the first one ever to ask that after a tonsillectomy."
Easter
Three blondes died and are at the gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question.
St. Peter asks the first blonde "What is Easter?" The blonde replies, "oh, that’s easy. It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together and eats turkey."
"Wrong" says St. Peter. He turns to the second blonde and asks her the same question.
She replies: "Easter is the holiday when we put up a tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus."
"Wrong", says St. Peter in disgust. He turns to the third blonde, and asks her the same question. "Do you know what Easter is?"
"Yes, I do" replied the blonde, "Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in his side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a cave which was sealed off by a large boulder."
St. Peter smiles broadly with delight. The third blonde continues: "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out...and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."
Blonde Handywoman
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband: "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered," and had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, It's a Ferrari..."
Green Side Up!
A woman hired a contractor to repaint the interior of her house. The woman walked the man through the second floor of her home and told him what colors she wanted for each room.
As they walked through the first room, the woman said, "I think I would like this room in a cream color."
The contractor wrote on his clipboard, walked to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!"
He then closed the window and continued following the woman to the next room. The woman looked confused, but proceeded with her tour.
"In this room, I was thinking of an off-blue."
Again, the contractor wrote this down, went to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!"
This baffled the woman, but she was hesitant to say anything. In the next room, the woman said she would like it painted in a light rose color.
And once more, the contractor opened the window and yelled, "Green side up!"
Struck with curiosity, the woman mustered up the nerve to ask, "Why do you keep yelling 'Green side up' out my window every time I tell you the color I would like the room?"
The contractor replied, "Because I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street."
