A Change Of Vows

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer.

"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says, "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "I
do."

The groom leaned toward the pastor and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."

The pastor put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."

The Top 14 Signs Your Wedding Day Isn't Going Well

14. The ceremony is spoiled by the insistent beeping from the bride's ankle cuff.

13. You're forced to exchange vows from separate rooms because of that week-old restraining order.

12. The bride's father gets his feelings hurt when her pimp insists on giving her away.

11. Even though he's sitting in the front row, you still don't remember the Grim Reaper being on the guest list.

10. At the end of the ceremony, Reverend Jones proposes a Kool-Aid toast.

9. Your bride enthusiastically shouts, "I do!" Unfortunately, it's when the priest asks if anyone objects to the marriage.

8. The ceremony starts in 20 minutes and you're still fighting over who gets to wear the dress.

7. "Do you take this man, Scott Peterson, to be your...."

6. When the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy crew shows up to help plan the upcoming honeymoon, your fiance becomes alarmingly smitten with Carson the fashion savant.

5. "Something blue" is Grandma. Better call 911.

4. After greeting your bride by name, the honeymoon hotel clerk asks if she wants the room for the whole night this time.

3. You spot Ron Jeremy (the porn star) sitting on the bride's side of the church.

2. The groom refuses to put on the ring on your finger, saying, "Not the Preciousssss!"

1. You can't seem to find your tuxedo pants. But even if you could, the wedding is in Nebraska and you're handcuffed to a dominatrix in Singapore.

Brides Of Christ

At a mass at which some young ladies were to take their finals vows to become nuns, the Bishop presiding noticed two Rabbis enter the church just before the mass began.

They were seated at the back of the sanctuary and insisted on sitting on the right side of the centre aisle.

The Bishop wondered why they had come but didn't have time to inquire before the mass began. When it came time for some announcements, his curiosity got the best of him. He announced that he was delighted to see two Rabbis in their midst at the mass but, was curious as to why they were present at this occasion where the young ladies were to become the "brides of Christ."

The eldest of the Rabbi's slowly rose to his feet and explained, "Family of the Groom."