I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me!

Stupidity is NOT a handicap. Park elsewhere!

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out alive.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Quoting one is plagiarism; Quoting many is research.

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

The trouble with life is there's no background music.

God must love stupid people; he made so many.

It IS as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

My Dog Can Lick Anyone!

Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with the software.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

A few clowns short of a circus

A few fries short of a Happy Meal

An experiment in artificial stupidity

A few beers short of a six pack

Dumber than a box of hair

A few peas short of a casserole

Doesn't have all his Cornflakes in one box

The wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead

One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl

One taco short of a combination plate

A few feathers short of a whole duck

All foam, no beer

The cheese slid off his cracker

Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel

Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt

Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear

Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel

He fell out of the Stupid Tree and hit every branch on the way
down

An intellect rivaled only by garden tools

As smart as bait

Chimney's clogged

Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash

Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair

Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor

Forgot to pay his brain bill

Her sewing machine's out of thread

His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels

His belt doesn't go through all the loops

If he had another brain, it would be lonely

Missing a few buttons on his remote control

No grain in the silo

Proof that evolution can go in reverse

Receiver is off the hook

Several nuts short of a full pouch

Sky light leaks a little

Too much yardage between the goal posts