Found on toilet walls...

Why are you reading this? The joke is in your hand.

Any arsehole can piss on the floor. Be a hero and shit on the ceiling!

The future is in your hands!

Some come here to sit and think. Some come here to shit and sink. But I come here to scratch my balls And read the bullshit on the walls.

Scrawled in BIG ANGRY RED letters: 'I SCREWED your mother!!!'
Neatly printed in small calm blue letters: 'Go home dad, you're drunk.'

Sign in the toilet said 'Please use the ashtray'. Guess what was in the ashtray?

Written at the very bottom of a bathroom door in very small printing... I had to lean WAY forward to read it... It said: 'You are now shitting at a 45 degree angle!'

On a condom vending machine: 'This gum tastes like rubber!'

This toilet paper is like John Wayne: it's tough, it's rough... and it doesn't take shit from anyone.

Please do not throw cigarette buts in this urinal: it makes them soggy and hard to light.

Sayings on Bathroom Walls

The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.
Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

Beauty is only a light switch away.
Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, North Carolina.

I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards.
Houghton Library, Harvard University. Cambridge, Massachusetts.

Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?"
Rest stop off Route 81. West Virginia.

God made pot. Man made beer. Whom do you trust?
The Irish Times, Washington, D.C.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
The Bayou, Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap.
Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill. Chapel Hill, North Carolina.

At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.
Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, Arizona.

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Written in the dust on the back of a bus. Wickenburg, Arizona.

Make love, not war. Hell, do both, get married!
Women's restroom, The Filling Station. Bozeman, Montana.

If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
Revolution Books. New York, New York.

A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort. Dallas, Texas