A group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry, but mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom it was decide that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no other choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one- onto the urinal and holding their "weewees" to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said,

"You must be in the 5th grade.

"No, ma'am," he replied, "I'm the jockey riding Silver Arrow in the 4th but thanks for the lift."

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted men. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want him very badly."

Little Johnny asked, "So, why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

I don't think I'll ever have a mother's intuition.

My sister left me alone in a restaurant with my 10-month-old nephew. I said, "What do I do if he cries?"

She said, "Give him some vegetables."

It turns out that jalapeno is not his favorite.