Things Women Want to Hear, but Never Do

~Wow, I just don't know what to do with this money we won in the lottery, so why don't you take it to the mall and see if you can find something to buy with it.

~Hey, how about inviting your mother to spend the summer with us.

~Oh, go ahead and eat that third piece of chocolate cream pie. If it's one thing I hate it's skinny women.

~What luck, they had a special rental rate at the video store on romance movies.

~You know, that Pam Anderson just doesn't seem to have the brainpower that I find so attractive in a woman.

~What a break, I won a prize on the radio station.... tickets to either the super bowl or the opening of the New York Ballet. I got first choice so pack your bags for New York, we get to go to the ballet!!!

~Who wants to play golf when I can get to see how good the lawn looks when it's freshly mowed.

~Shoot, there's nothing on TV but football games. Let's go furniture shopping.

~Man I tell you, nothing feels better than getting all spruced up in a suit and tie.

~I'm getting a little tired of steak on the grill. How about a nice quiche?

~You know, I think I'd really prefer the four-door sedan to that impractical Corvette.

~Golly I think we're lost. Let me find a gas station to ask for directions.

~My golf clubs are only 30 years old. Why don't you use the money my parents gave us to get something nice for the house.

~If the guys call and want me to go to that new sports club with them, tell them I'm busy. I really want to get the living room painted tonight.

~Sports cars are just such stupid little toys for men who have never really grown up.

~If you're looking for me later, I'll be over there looking at the home decorating magazines.

~You know, we really don't visit your relatives enough.

~Why don't you relax this weekend. I'll take care of the cooking and housework.

Never Underestimate The Power Of A Woman
There were 11 people - ten men and one woman - hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter.

They all decided that one person should get off, because if they didn't, the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally, the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children, giving in to men, and not receiving anything in return.

When she finished speaking, all the men started clapping.