Senior Personal Ads as seen in Florida and Arizona newspapers:
FOXY LADY:
Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'-4" (used
to be 5-6), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching
white shoes and belt a plus.
........................................
LONG-TERM
COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, looking for
someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of
breath not a problem.
........................................
SERENITY
NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation.
If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids
out and enjoy quiet times.
..........................................
WINNING SMILE:
Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to
share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
............................................
BEATLES OR
STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday
nights, and still like to play the air guitar. If you were a groovy chick,
or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my boss collection
of eight-track tapes.
..............................................
MEMORIES:
I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday,
Saturday, and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.
...............................................
MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Not in running condition but walks well.
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
Morris, an 82 year-old man went to the Doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. A couple of days later the doctor spoke to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doctor: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.' "
The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful."
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"
Strength Building For "Seniors"
For those of us getting along in years, here is a little secret for building your arm and shoulder muscles. It seems that many of my friends are either "seniors" or getting close to being "seniors", so you might want to go ahead and adopt this regimen. Three (3) days a week works very well.
1. Begin by standing outside behind the house and with a 5 lb. potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out to your sides and hold them there as long as you can.
2. After a few weeks, move up to 10 lb. potato sacks and then 50 lb. potato sacks, and finally get to where you can lift a 100 lb. potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight out for more than a full minute.
3. Next, start putting a few potatoes in the sacks, but be careful not to overdo it at this level...............................
