No More Baby Talk
A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on No baby talk!

"You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them.

She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend?
"I went to visit my Nana."
"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!"

She then asked Mitchell what he had done? "I took a ride on a choo-choo."
She said "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN.
You must remember to use 'Big People' words."

She then asked Alex what he had done?
"I read a book," he replied.

"That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?"
Alex thought real hard about it, then puffed out his little chest with great pride, and said,

"Winnie the Shit".

Logic of 1st Graders
A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders, but there are some good ones, nonetheless, and their insight may surprise you.

Better to be safe than......................punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the ..............................bug is close.
It's always darkest before.................Daylight Savings Time.
Never underestimate the power of.....termites.
You can lead a horse to water but....how?
Don't bite the hand that...................looks dirty.
No news is.....................................impossible.
A miss is as good as a...................Mr.
You can't teach an old dog new.......math.
If you lie down with dogs, you'll........stink in the morning.
Love all, trust.................................me.
The pen is mightier than the............pigs.
An idle mind is..............................the best way to relax.
Where there's smoke there's...........pollution.
Happy the bride who.......................gets all the presents.
A penny saved is............................not much.
Two's company, three's...................the Musketeers.
Don't put off till tomorrow what.........you put on to go to bed.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and.....you have to blow your nose.
There are none so blind as..............Stevie Wonder.
Children should be seen and not......spanked or grounded.
If at first you don't succeed..............get new batteries.
When the blind leadeth the blind......get out of the way.
And the favorite: Better late than........pregnant.

Chicken Little?
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit!, A talking chicken!'"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes

Making The Grade
A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.

"I would do anything to pass this exam."

She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.

"I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do... *anything*!!!"

He returns her gaze. "Anything???"

"Yes...Anything!!!"

His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"