Actual Bumper Stickers...

• A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
• Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.
• Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... until you can find a rock.
• Don't like my driving? Then don't watch me.
• Everyone has a photographic memory, some people just don't have.
• Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.
• Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
• Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.
• GUYS: No Shirt, No Service....GALS: No Shirt, No Charge.
• Hang up and drive.
• Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply.
• Horn broken, watch for finger.
• I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
• I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
• If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
• If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you.
• Impotence: Nature's way of saying no hard feelings.
• Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.
• Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
• Just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.
• Lord save me from your followers.
• Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
• Save your Breath...you'll need it to Blow up your date.
• Sex on television can't hurt you... unless you fall off.
• Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
• Some people just don't know how to drive. I call these people, "Everybody But Me."
• The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
• The Proctologist called, They found your head.
• Try not to let your mind wander. It is to small to be out by itself.
• WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
• Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
• I used to have a handle on life...but it broke off.
• Guys...just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.
• Heart Attacks...God's revenge for eating His animal friends.

To the Point (or to 2 Points) ……

A female police officer pulled over a drunk driver. She said "you are under arrest. Anything you say can and will be held against you".

The drunk replied: "tits"