The Monastery of Silence
Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence. The Priest said: "Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you'd like to stay but you may not speak until I direct you to do so."

Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 6 years before the Priest said to her, "Sister Mary Katherine, you've been here for 6 years now. You may speak two words."

Sister Mary Katherine said, "Hard bed."

"I'm sorry to hear that." the Priest said, "We will get you a better bed."

After another 6 years, Sister Mary Katherine was called by the Priest. "You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine."

"Cold food," said Sister Mary Katherine and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.

On her 18th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Mary Katherine into his office. "You may say two words today."

"I quit." said Sister Mary Katherine.

"It's probably best.", said the Priest, "You've done nothing but bitch since you got here."

What Would You Like To Hear Them Say?
When you are in your casket, and friends, family, and congregates are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say?

Episcopal Priest:
"I would like to hear them say that I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man.

Catholic Priest:
"I would like to hear that I was a wonderful teacher and a servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives.

Rabbi:
"I would like to hear them say, "Look, he's moving."

$1000 in the Collection Plate

Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate. This went on for weeks until the priest, overcome by curiosity, approached her. "Sister, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.

"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and what I don't need I give to the church."

"That's wonderful, how much does he send you?"

"Oh, $20,000 a week."

"Your son is very successful, what does he do for a living?"

"He is a veterinarian," she answered.

"That is a very honorable profession. Where does he practice?"

"Well, he has one cat house in Las Vegas and another in Reno."