Are You A Prostitute Or Are You A Consultant?

1. You work very odd hours.

2. You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy.

3. You are paid well but your pimp gets most of the money.

4. You spend a majority of your time in a hotel room.

5. You charge by the hour but your time can be extended.

6. You are not proud of what you do.

7. Creating fantasies for your clients is rewarded.

8. It's difficult to have a family.

9. You have no job satisfaction.

10. If a client beats you up, the pimp just sends you to another client.

11. You are embarrassed to tell people what you do for a living.

12. People ask you, "What do you do?" and you can't explain it.

13. Your client pays for your hotel room plus your hourly rate.

14. Your client always wants to know how much you charge and what they get for the money.

15. Your pimp drives nice cars like Mercedes or Jaguars.

16. You know the pimp is charging more than you are worth but if the client is foolish enough to pay it's not your problem.

17. When you leave to go see a client, you look great, but return looking like hell (compare your appearance on Monday AM to Friday PM).

18. You are rated on your "performance" in an excruciating ordeal.

19. Even though you might get paid the big bucks, it's the client who walks away smiling.

20. The client always thinks your "cut" of your billing rate is higher than it actually is, and in turn, expects miracles from you.

21. When you deduct your "take" from your billing rate, you constantly wonder if you could get a better deal with another pimp.

The Top Signs Your Father is a Pimp

Your name: John
Your brother's name: John
Your other brother's name: John
Your sister's name: Trixie

* Buys all his clothes at "Dennis Rodman's House of Cool- Looking Shit."

* Current job: Head of the White House Intern Program.

* Stubbornly maintains he got his pink Cadillac by selling Mary Kay.

* Comes home from work grumbling about "that damn Roxy in the S&M Department."

* When he's carving the Thanksgiving turkey, says, "$40 gets you the sweetest piece of meat you ever saw, man!"

* Every time you breast feed, he takes $10 out of your college fund.

* After you collect for your paper route, he demands "his taste."

* Charlie Sheen is your godfather.

* You're the only Cub Scout whose Pinewood Derby car has ocelot seat covers.

* His most common threat: "Don't make me slap you -- this is my day off!"

* Like Ward Cleaver, carries a pipe. Unlike Ward Cleaver, shares his pipe with your aunts.

* Enough about the stable already, where's the damn pony?

* Every Christmas and birthday present: Another big-ass medallion.