How to Write Good
• Avoid alliteration. Always.
• Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
• Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
• Employ the vernacular.
• Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
• Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
• It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
• Contractions aren't necessary.
• Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
• One should never generalize.
• Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
• Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
• Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
• Profanity sucks.
• Be more or less specific.
• Understatement is always best.
• Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
• One-word sentences? Eliminate.
• Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
• The passive voice is to be avoided.
• Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
• Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
• Who needs rhetorical questions?

Our Weird Language
* Why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
* Why do some people use the expression 'Good Grief'?
What is a Bad Grief?
* Why is the plural of goose-geese and not the plural of moose-meese?
* If two mouses are mice and two louses are lice why aren't two houses hice?
* If the plural of mouse is mice, what is the plural of spouse?
* Why do we say something is awfully good? What exactly do we mean by this?
* Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
* Can you have only one plural?
* Have you ever wondered why just one letter makes all the difference between here and there?
* Can you be frequent infrequently?
* Why do people say 'This and That' as opposed to 'That and This'?
* If the plural of octopus is octopi and platypus is platypi what is the plural of schoolbus?
* Why is sphinges the plural of sphinx if there's only one?
* What's the difference between new and brand new?
* Why do North Americans fill a form out but the English fill it in?