You Might be a Caffeine Addict If...
• You think sleep is for the weak.
• The dishes in your house are all coffee cups.
• You believe that the coffee bean is a vegetable.
• You've ever carried your coffee cup into the shower with you in the morning.
• It's 6:09 AM and you're on your 2nd 20oz. cup of coffee.
• You regard the fact that your hands are shaking as a good sign.
• Your heart beats noticeably faster as a reaction to thesmell of coffee.
• Your heart rate is always in triple digits.
• Mountain Dew is the stuff great decisions are made of.
• You wake up to Mountain Dew, before switching to JOLT.
• You can name the five flavors of JOLT.
• You go to sleep just to wake up and smell the coffee.
• You have to drink some form of caffeinated beverage just to sleep.
• Your coffee pot is next to your bed and your alarm clock is in the kitchen.
• You've given up sex, TV, or all forms of meat for Lent before, but can't make it 40 days without caffeine.
• You've ever used the airplane's Call button just to get a coffee refill.
• Your heart only beats twice an hour and your eyes won't shut anymore.
• Your slogan is "Save water, drink coffee."
• You have on more than one occasion snorted instant coffee.
• You suck on a used coffee filter (full of coffee grounds) whenever the can runs out of coffee.

A Woman's Poem
He didn't like the casserole

And he didn't like my cake.

My biscuits were too hard...

Not like his mother used to make.

I didn't perk the coffee right

He didn't like the stew,

I didn't mend his socks

The way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer

I was looking for a clue.

Then I turned around and smacked him...

Like his Mother used to do.

Deaf
Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before.

The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble."

The second deaf man signed back, "Boy you're lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me hell for being out so late."

The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you do?"

The second man replied, "I turned out the light."

Signs You're Drinking Too Much Coffee
Your blood type has been reclassified as "espresso"

Every morning you go for a quick 47 mile jog

As soon as California legalized gay marriage, you got engaged to Mr. Coffee

Your after-shave? Hazelnut non-dairy creamer

You're tapping your leg like Larry Craig in a men's room stall

A Starbucks just opened in your basement

Your last words before bypass surgery: "Tell Juan Valdez I love him"

Average 80 blinks per minute

You named your kids "Tall," "Grande," and "Venti"

Unable to sleep, you actually watch "The Late Show"