Sister, I have a Question
A monk who's been sheltered all of his life in a monastery has to travel to the big city to meet his friend, a Catholic nun.

On the streets of the city, he encounters a prostitute who says: "Blowjob? Five dollars?"

"No, thank you!" the monk says, blushing.

He moves on to the next street corner and another hooker asks him, "Blowjob? Five dollars?"

He hurriedly rushes down the streets but on each corner there's a woman asking if he wants a blowjob. By the time he reaches the convent, he's very upset.

He asks his friend the nun, "Sister, what's a "blowjob?"

She says, "Five dollars."

The Blond Nun
One night a Blond Nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.

"My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish."

"Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways."

"There must be something you would have of me," said God.

"Well, there is one thing," she said. "Just name it," said God.

"It's those blond jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blond jokes to stop."

"Consider it done," said God. "Blond jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans.

But surely there is something that I could do just for you."

"There is one thing. But it's really small, and not worth your time," said the nun.

"Name it. Please," said God.

"It's the M&M's," said the nun. "They're so hard to peel!"

Wilson’s Nails
Wilson runs a nail factory and decides his business needs a bit of advertising.

He has a chat with a friend who works in marketing and he offers to make a TV ad for Wilson's Nails.

"Give me a week," says the friend, "and I'll be back with a tape."

A week goes by and the marketing executive comes to see Wilson.

He puts a cassette in the video and presses play.

A Roman soldier is busy nailing Jesus to the cross. He turns to face the camera and says with a grin:

"Use Wilson Nails, they'll hold anything."

Wilson goes mad shouting: "What is the matter with you? They'll never show that on TV. I'll give you a second chance, but no more Romans crucifying Jesus!"

Another week goes by and the marketing man comes back to see Wilson with another tape.

He puts it in the machine and hits play.

This time the camera pans out from a Roman standing with his arms folded to show Jesus on the cross. The Roman looks up at him and says:

"Wilsons Nails, they'll hold anything."

Wilson is beside himself. "You don't understand: I don't want anything with Jesus on the cross! Listen, I'll give you a last chance. Come back in a week with an advertisement that I can broadcast."

A week passes and Wilson waits impatiently.

The marketing executive arrives and puts on the new video.

A naked man with long hair, gasping for breath, is running across a field. About a dozen Roman soldiers come over the hill, hot on his trail. One of them turns to camera and says:

"If only we had used Wilson Nails!"

Church Bulletin Announcements!
* Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

* Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."

* Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 pm in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

* Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

* "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

* Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.

* The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

* The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water" The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus"

* Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

* Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

* During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

* The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."

* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

* Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

* Don't let worry kill you off --let the Church help.

* Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

* A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

* At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

* Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

* The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

* Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.

* Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

* The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 pm. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

* For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

* Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.

* Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

* The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

* Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 pm.--prayer and medication to follow.