An Emergency Landing
An airliner was having engine trouble and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except for one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."

Let's Be Honest
Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers.

"So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe."

Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Paulson, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Hendren, gave me $10,000."

The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Paulson. "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits!"

Pact with the Devil
An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him. The Devil told the lawyer, "I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and law partners."

The lawyer thought about this for a moment and then asked, "So, what's the catch?"

Ten Commandments
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse is that you cannot post:

'Thou Shalt Not Steal,'
'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and
'Thou Shall Not Lie', in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians!

It creates a hostile work environment.

Bill of Rights
Two lawyers, Bob and Bill, were having a heated exchange during a trial. The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench.

"Your Honor," said Bob, "I objected because my distinguished colleague Bill was badgering the witness. It is obvious he has never heard of the Bill of Rights."

"Rubbish!" snapped Bill. "I happen to know them by heart."

Bob rolled his eyes in disbelief. "Do you now?

Well, Bill, I have a hundred dollars that says you can't even tell me the first few words."

Bill smirked and accepted the challenge and began, "I pledge allegiance to the flag..."

"Damn," Bob interrupted, fishing the money from his pocket, "I didn't think you'd know it."

Mob Godfather
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf.

That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer "Ask him where the ten million bucks he embezzled from me is." The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is.

The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."

The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple and says "Ask him again!"

The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: "He'll kill you if you don't tell him!" The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!”

The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?" The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."