She Came Crawling
Three mates are down the pub. Bill and Joe are arguing about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third bloke, Fred, says nothing.

After a while, Bill turns to Fred and says, "Well, what about you? What sort of control have you got?"

"I'll tell you," Fred replies. "Just the other night my missus came crawling to me on her hands and knees."

The other two were absolutely amazed. "What happened then?", Joe asked.

"She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man!!!".

The Back Door
A lonely wife brought a man she had just met at a bar home to her bedroom one evening when she thought her husband was out of town. They immediately tore each other's clothes off and started going at it. She sat up quickly in bed as she heard the key in the lock.

"Quick!" she said to the man, "it's my husband! You've got to get out of here quick!"

"Where's the back door?" the man asked as he grabbed his clothes.

"There isn't one," she replied.

"Where would you like one?" he asked.

Playing the Fiddle
The husband was angry when he found out that his wife had been cheating on him.
He shouts at her, "I will play second fiddle to no one!"
The wife replies, "Second fiddle? With your little flute you are lucky you are still in the band!"

Anger Management
HUSBAND: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?

WIFE : I clean the toilet....

HUSBAND: How does that help ?

WIFE : I use your toothbrush.

An Orgasmic Yell!
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor."

"Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell."

"My dear," the doctor said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is."

"The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"

Divorce Court
"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."

"That's very generous, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

Caught Cheating
A man returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport after midnight, and while en route to his home, asked the driver if he would be a witness, as he suspected his wife was having an affair, and expected to catch her in the act. The driver agreed, and they both tiptoed into the bedroom, turned on the lights pulled the blanket back and found the wife in bed with another man.

The husband put his gun to the man's head, and the wife shouted, "Don't do it, this man has been very generous. Who do you think paid for the Corvette I said I bought for you, who do you think paid for our new boat, he did!"

The husband looked over at the cab driver and said, "What would you do in a case like this?"

The cabbie smiled, and said, "I'd cover him up before he catches cold."