Mongolian VD
An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time. A week after arriving back home in the States, he awakes one morning to find his pen*s covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says: "I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it".

The man looks a little perplexed and says: "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc".

The doctor answers: "I'm sorry,there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your pen*s".

The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion".

The doctor replies: "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice".

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his pen*s and
proclaims: "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Very lare disease".

The guy says to the doctor: "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what we can do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my pen*s?"

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: "Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. Make more money, that way. No need to opelate!"

"Oh, Thank God!", the man replies.

"Yes", says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait another couple of weeks. Penis fall off by itself!"

Chinese Laundry
A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese Laundry, so she wrote a note and put it in the bag with the next collection of soiled clothes : "USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!"

She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with the results, so the following week she enclosed another note: "USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!"

The Chinese laundryman became very annoyed, and when her clean laundry was delivered, it contained a note from HIM: "I USE PLENTY SOAP ON PANTIES!!! USE MORE PAPER ON ASS!!"

Creative Fortune Cookie Sayings
"What, 3 servings of Moo Shoo Pork weren't enough for you, tubby?"

"Your fullness will be short-lived. Like an hour, tops.

"Put all your money and jewelry in the egg roll and nobody gets hurt."

"Today's dog in alley is tomorrow's moo goo gai pan."

"Patron who mocks waiter's accent will unwittingly consume chef's bodily fluids."

"Man who look to stale cookie for advice probably make good busboy. Ask waitress for application." "

"Your strength lies in your continued belief that what you just ate was indeed duck."

"Creative Chinese chef without utensils can still find ways to stir soup."