Why can't a man be both handsome and intelligent?
Because that would make him a woman.

Romantic Poems
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace.
If only you could hide your face.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.
This describes everything you are not.

I want to feel your sweet embrace,
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes.
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you really screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "Oh! Go To Hell."

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

Quotes
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb ... and I also know that I'm not blonde. -Dolly Parton

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -Erica Jong

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. -Rita Rudner

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. -Rita Rudner

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. Wendy Liebman

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. Erma Bombeck

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. Sue Grafton

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. Roseanne Barr

I think-therefore I'm single. -Lizz Winstead

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. -Elayne Boosler

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Maryon Pearson

I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. Gilda Radner

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. -Margaret Thatcher

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. -Gloria Steinhem

Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. - Gloria Steinhem

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. -Marie Corelli

Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths. Baroness Edith Summerskill

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck? -Linda Ellerbee

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor