Prescription
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.

"Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."

Medical Results
A Japanese doctor said, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it into another, and have him looking for work in six weeks."

A German doctor said, "That's nothing. We can take a lung out of one person, put it into another, and have him looking for work in four weeks."

A British doctor said, "In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half of a heart out of one person, put it into another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks."

A Texas doctor, not to be outdone, said, "You guys are way behind. We took a man with no brains out of Texas, put him into the White House, and now half the country is looking for work."

The Doctor's Advice
A man was walking into the hospital for a routine examination the other day. Just as he reached the main entrance, another man, who had just exited the hospital, keeled over on the sidewalk. The first man ran towards the second and noticed that he was obviously dead.

The man rushed into the hospital, grabbed the first doctor that he could find, and screamed, "Doctor, Doctor!! A man just walked out of the hospital and dropped dead on the sidewalk!! What should I do?"

The doctor thought about this dilemma for a few moments, then suggested, "Spin him around. Make it look like he was coming in."

Relocation
At the urging of his doctor, John moved to Arizona.

After settling in, he met a neighbor who was also an older man.

"Say, my doctor recommended I move here for my health. Is this really a good place to live?"

"It sure is," the man replied. "When I first arrived here I couldn't say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to walk across a room and I had to be lifted out of bed."

"That's wonderful!" said John. "How long have you been here?"

"I was born here."

The Hospital Board of Directors
When the hospital Board of Directors asked a panel of doctors to vote on adding a new wing to their hospital, the Allergists voted to scratch it and the Dermatologists advised no rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve, and the Obstetricians stated they were all laboring under a misconception.

The Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted; the Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body," while the Pediatricians said, "Grow up!"

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing, and the Radiologists could see right through it.

The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow; the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter".

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.

The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no..

Doctor's Office
A guy goes into the doctor's office. There is a banana stuck in one of his ears, a carrot stuck in one nostril, and a cucumber in the other ear.

The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you're not eating right"