A Trip to Montreal
A plane is on its way to Montreal when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy and that she will have go sit in the back.

The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm staying right here!"

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat. The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm staying right here!" The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason.

The pilot says "I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde and I have learned to speak 'blonde'!" He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and without question she gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section. The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

"I told her First Class isn't going to Montreal."

Blonde in the BMW
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic, "It died."

After he works on it for a few minutes, it's idling smoothly.

She says: "What's the story?"

He replies: "Just crap in the carburetor."

She says, "How often do I have to do that?"

The Fire Escape
A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump in.

The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!" The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away...the Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.

"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the Redhead.

"Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead.

"No! Its Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!"

"OK" says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.

Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!"

"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the Blonde.

"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"

"Look," the Blonde says. "Nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it...."

What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run for your life. She has a grenade in her mouth.

A Trip to the ER
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.

"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.

"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?"

"No silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest."

"So then?" asked the doctor.

"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."

"So then?"

"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."

Counting Sheep
The blonde from Casper had been the brunt of dumb blonde jokes all her life and finally decided to do something about it. Boldly, she entered a beauty salon and had her hair dyed auburn. The change was immediate and drastic.

Suddenly people began to treat her with respect and her self-esteem grew daily. One afternoon she went for a drive in the country-side and happened upon a band of sheep and a herder. Deciding to test her new-found confidence and skill, she stopped and visited with the herder. After charming the herder, she made him a proposition.

She said, "I’d love to have one of those sheep as a pet. Do you suppose if I guessed the exact number you have in your herd you could let me have one to take home?"

The herder, thinking there was no way in the world she could guess the exact number said, "Why sure little lady, you go ahead and guess."

The auburn/blonde said, "You have exactly 1053 head of sheep.

The herder could not believe it. She had guess the number right on the button. Chagrined, he told her to go ahead and pick out a sheep to take home. She wandered through the whole herd finally making her selection at the far edge of the flock. Carrying it back to her car, she put it in the back seat. As she was about to drive off, the herder came running towards her car frantically yelling,

"Wait, wait!" She rolled down her window to see what he wanted and he said, "I’ve got a proposition for you. If I can guess the exact color of your hair before you dyed it, can I have my dog back?"

Damn Flowers
A blonde and a brunette were walking past a flower shop. Inside, the brunette’s boyfriend was buying flowers. The brunette sighed and said, "My damn boyfriend is buying me flowers again."

The blonde said, "But don’t you like getting flowers?"

The brunette said, "Oh, sure. I just don’t feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde asked, "Don’t you have a vase?"

A Trip to the Woods
Sally (a blonde) was seen going into the woods with a small package and a large bird cage. She was gone several days but finally she returned. Her friend, Liz, never saw Sally look so sad.

Liz: "Heard you went off into the woods for a couple of days. Glad you got back okay... But you look so sad. Why?"

Sally: "'Cause I just can't get a man."

Liz: "Well, you sure won't find one in the middle of the woods."

Sally: "Don't be so silly. I know that. But I went to the woods 'cause I needed something there that would get me a man. But I couldn't find it."

Liz: "I don't understand what you're talking about."

Sally: "Well, I went there to catch a couple of owls. I took some dead mice and a bird cage."

Liz: "So, how's that gonna help you get a man?"

Sally: "Well, my mama told me that the best way to get a man is to have a good pair of hooters."