Lawyer on Vacation
A lawyer was on vacation in a small farming town. While walking through the streets on a quiet Sunday morning, he came upon a large crowd gathered by the side of the road.

Going by instinct, the lawyer figured that there was some sort of auto collision. He was eager to get to the injured parties but couldn't get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim."

The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.

A Day in Court
A witness is testifying before the court, and the prosecuting attorney is asking him questions.

"You witnessed the robbery, sir?"

"Yes."

"What was stolen?"

"Two televisions."

"Did you see the thieves?"

"Yes."

"Could you identify them?"

"Yes."

"Are the two men who stole the televisions in this courtroom?"

At this point, the two defendants raise their hands.

(What's a defense attorney to do?)

Signs That You Might Need A New Lawyer
* During the trial, you catch him playing his Gameboy.

* Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniel's to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.

* He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.

* He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said ..."

* Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"

* Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.

* The sign in front of his law office reads "Practicing Law Since 2:25 PM."

* Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."

* He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs."

* Giggles hysterically at the mere mention of the Penal Code.

* Constantly raising objections to the "vibes" he's getting from the jury.

* Every time the judge sustains one of his objections, he screams, "Yahtzee!"

* Offers to waive his usual fees in exchange for your panties.

* You met him in prison.

* He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.

* When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.

* He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."

* He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."

* A prison guard is shaving your head.

At a Roadside Tavern
A man walked into a roadside tavern and as he looked over the crowded Tavern, he saw an empty bar stool at the far end of the bar.As he sat down on the bar stool, he noticed perched on a bar stool right next to him was a good looking smartly dressed woman with beautiful red hair.

"Hi there good looking, how's it going?" he asked.

The woman turned her head to the right, and looked him straight in the eye, and without blinking one time she said, "Listen fellow, I'll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn't matter. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college, and I just love it."

"No kidding?," said the man, "I'm a lawyer too! What firm are you with?