Contractors at the White House
Three contractors were touring the White House on the same day. One was from Michigan, another from Missouri, and the third from Florida. At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they each replied that they were contractors the guard said, "Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys look at it and give me a bid."

So to the back fence they went. First up was the Florida contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, "Well I figure the job will run about $900.00. That's $400.00 for materials, $400.00 for my crew, and $100.00 profit for me."

Next was the Missouri contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, "Looks like I can do this job for $700. That's $300.00 for materials,$300.00 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

Then the guard asks the Michigan contractor how much. Without so much as even moving the contractor says, "$2,700.00."

The guard incredulously looks at him and says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

"Easy," says the contractor from Michigan, "That's $1,000.00 for me, $1,000.00 for you, and we hire the guy from Missouri."

Here's the Kicker
Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Now it gets really weird.

Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln' made by 'Ford.'

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here's the kicker...

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was in Marilyn Monroe.

Nice Pigs
Last Tuesday, as President Bush got off the Helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm.

The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, Salutes, and says:
"Nice pigs, Sir."

The President replies: "These are not pigs. These are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Senator Hillary Clinton and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi."

The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, Salutes, and says:
"Excellent trade, sir."