Definitions For My Husband On Thanksgiving Day
PLAYBOOK: Also known as my cookbook, to be kept in plain sight at all times. If the book gets moved, the game could get ugly.

OFFSIDES: Silverware is to be set next to the plates -- off to the side, dear, not tossed in the middle of the table in a heap, for all to scramble for.

GAME TIME: This is when the food must all be on the table, at the same time, at the same temperature (preferably hot) so that the *teams* may meet at the arena (Table) for the coach to say the prayer.

TEAM SPIRIT: That which shall be upheld until the END of the game. When the coach (ME) has heard the fat lady sing (AUNT MARTHA saying that she's had enough to eat).

COMMERCIAL BREAKS: There will be NONE for us, until I deem them totally necessary for my sanity, when you have made me crazy!

PENALTIES: Will be given if there is no team spirit showing and the game time is DELAYED or offsides have occurred due to a certain *televised* football game engaging your attention!

HOLDING: May be necessary of several large bowls, so that I may pour gravy without staining my new silk blouse. And keep in mind dear, I am HOLDING the clicker for the T.V. for ransom ;).

TOUCHDOWNS: Please make them gentle when bowls are being touched down on the table. Do not spike them, and do not dance when the mission is complete!

FLAG ON THE PLAY: When something is spilled, PLEASE by all means throw a towel down on it and mop it up!

RUSHING: What we will be doing a lot of!!

GROOMING THE FIELD: Dear husband, if you help me through this meal, as I know you will, I promise to RECRUIT new players for the clean up and YES... in plenty of time for you to enjoy the REAL GAME!!!

Reasons to be Thankful you Burnt the Bird!
• Salmonella won’t be a concern.
• Everyone will think your turkey is Cajun blackened.
• Uninvited guests will think twice next year.
• Your cheese broccoli lima bean casserole will gain newfound appreciation.
• Pets won’t bother to pester you for scraps.
• No one will overeat.
• The smoke alarm was due for a test.
• Carving the bird will provide a good cardiovascular workout.
• You’ll get to the desserts even quicker.
• After dinner, the guys can take the bird to the yard and play football.
• The less turkey Uncle You-Know-Who eats, the less likely he will be to walk around with his pants unbuttoned.
• You won’t have to face three weeks of turkey sandwiches.