Difference in Toilet Paper
A little old lady goes into the store to do some shopping.
She is bewildered over the large selection of toilet paper.

"Pardon me, sir," she says to the store manager, "but can you explain the differences in all these toilet papers?"

"Well," he replies pointing out one brand, "this is as soft as a baby's kiss. It's $1.50 per roll."

He grabs another and says, "This is nice and soft as a bunny, strong but gentle, and it's $1.00 a roll."

Pointing to the bottom shelf he tells her, "We call that our No Name brand, and it's 20 cents per roll."

"Give me the No Name," she says.

She comes back about a week later, seeks out the manager and says,

"Hey! I've got a name for your No Name toilet paper. I call it John Wayne."

"Why?" he asks.

"Because it's rough, it's tough and it don't take shit off anybody!"

A teenage girl shopped at the mall and stopped at the perfume counter. She sees, "My Sin", "Desire", and "Ecstasy".

She says to the salesperson, "I don't want to get emotionally involved...I just want to smell nice."

More Things to do at Wal-Mart
Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.

Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the rest rooms.

Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.

Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in only if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."

In the auto department, practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.

Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say, "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again."

Go into a fitting room and yell loudly, "Hey! We're out of toilet paper in here!"

Price of Oranges
Mrs. Golden was shopping at a produce stand in her neighborhood. She approached the vendor and asked, "How much are these oranges?"

"Two for a quarter," answered the vendor.

"How much is just one?" she asked.

"Fifteen cents," answered the vendor.

"Then I'll take the other one," said Mrs. Golden.