Retirement is different for everyone.
One day, while going to the store, I passed by a nursing home.

On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass.

I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store.

On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn.

This time my curiosity got the best of me, and I went inside to talk to the Nursing Home Administrator.

"Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your front lawn?"

"Yes," she said. "They're retired prostitutes, and they're having a yard sale."

Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring? He decided to stick it out for one more year.

Down at the Retirement Center
80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!"

An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"

Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."

Q. When is a retiree's bedtime?
A. Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Q. How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Only one, but it might take all day.

Q. What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
A. There is not enough time to get everything done.

Q. Why don't retirees mind being called senior citizens?
A. The term comes with a 10% discount.

Q. Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
A. Tied shoes.

Q. Why do retirees count pennies?
A. They are the only ones who have the time.

Q. What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
A. NUTS!

Q. Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
A. They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Q. What do retirees call a long lunch?
A. Normal

Q. What is the best way to describe retirement?
A. The never-ending Coffee Break.

Q. What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
A. If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Q. Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
A. He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

Life is backwards!

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get in the end of it, "A death?" What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards.

You should die first, you know, start out dead, get it out of the way. You wake up in an old age home, feeling better everyday. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then,
When you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work 40 years until your young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink like a fish, party your ass off, and screw anything that moves - you've only got a few years left, why not?!?

Then you get ready for High School. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, then, you spend your last nine months floating peacefully with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, larger quarter’s everyday. And then you finish off as an orgasm