A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

"Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake".

"Some marriages are made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightning."

"Marriage is a lot like the army, everyone complains, but you'd be surprised at the number that re-enlist." - James Garner

"Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards." - Benjamin Franklin

"Don't assume that every sad-eyed woman has loved and lost - she may have got him."

"A man usually falls in love with a woman who asks the kinds of questions he can answer." - Ronald Colman

"Before marriage the three little words are 'I love you', after marriage they are, 'let's eat out'."

"By all means marry: If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philospher." – Socrates

"A diplomatic husband said to his wife, 'How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?'

"It takes a smart spouse to have the last word and not use it."

"The honeymoon is over when he phones to say he'll be late for supper and she's already left a note that it's in the refrigerator." - Bill Lawrence

"The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because she knows that the average man can see much better than he can think." - Ladies Home Journal

"A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband." - Michel de Montaingne

"Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse." - Arthur Baer

"Marriage is a great institution - but I'm not ready for an institution yet." - Mae West

"When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her." - Sacha Guitry

"You have only to mumble a few words in church to get married and a few words in your sleep to get divorced."

"If there is any realistic deterrent to marriage, it's the fact that you can't afford divorce." - Jack Nicholson

"The person who marries for money usually earns every penny of it."

"The most difficult years of marriage are those following the wedding."

"A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one." - Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings

"Marriage is like twirling a baton, handsprings, or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy till you try it."

"If men acted after marriage as they do during courtship, there would be fewer divorces - and more bankruptcies." - Frances Rodman

"Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke."

"Many husbands go broke on the money their wives save on sales."

"There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage."

"In Hollywood all marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes the problems." - Shelley Winters

"No woman ever falls in love with a man unless she has a higher opinion of him than he deserves." - Edgar Watson Howe

"The only real argument for marriage is that it remains the best method for getting acquainted." - Heywood Broun

The Nightie
A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black negligee and carefully place it in her suitcase so it would not wrinkle. Well, Mom forgot until the last minute.

So she dashed out and could only find a short pink nightie. She bought it and threw it into the suitcase.

After the wedding the bride and groom enter their hotel room. The groom was a little self-conscious so he asked his new bride to change in the bathroom and promise not to peek while he got ready for bed.

While she was in the bathroom, the bride opened her suitcase and saw the negligee her mother had thrown in there. She exclaimed, "Oh no! It's short, pink, and wrinkled!"
Then her groom cried out, "I told you not to peek!"