A guy walks into the doctor's office. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home,'" he says.

Replies the doctor, "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."

"Is it common?" the patient asks.

And the doctor answers, "It's Not Unusual."

Musical Instruments 101
* Since the black keys on a piano are the hardest to learn if you painted them white would it be easier to learn how to play the piano?

* How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

* Was the piano invented just so the musician would have a place to put his/her beer?

* Is it true that the reason bagpipe players walk while they play is that they are trying to get away from the noise?

* Do you get A flat minor if you drop a piano down a mine- shaft?

* What is the difference between a violin and a fiddle?

* Are some instruments in a drum-and-bugle corps purely cymbolic?

* Do people who play the washboard think of it as playing an acoustic washing machine?

* Why is a mute called a mute when you can still hear the music?

* Did you know that the piano we play today was first called the 'pianoforte'? And that this actually means quietloud? Doesn't this mean that a small one should be called a piano while a large one should be called a forte?

* If you buy a set of drums, will there be repercussions?

* Why is Chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with?

* How come you always hear about organ donors but there's nary a mention of piano donors?

* What did bagpipers play before that guy wrote "Amazing Grace"?

* Can you fiddle with a violin?

Answers from Students on Music Exams
The principal singer of nineteenth-century opera was called pre-Madonna.

It is easy to teach anyone to play the maracas. Just grip the neck and shake him in rhythm.

Gregorian chant has no music, just singers singing the same lines.

Sherbet composed the Unfinished Symphony.

All female parts were sung by castrati. We don't know exactly what they sounded like because there are no known descendants.

Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel; if they sing without music it is called Acapulco.

A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.

Contralto is a low sort of music that only ladies sing.

A harp is a nude piano.

The main trouble with a French Horn is that it is too tangled up.

An interval in music is the distance from one piano to the next.

The correct way to find the key to a piece of music is to use a pitchfork.

Agitato is a state of mind when one's finger slips in the middle of playing a piece.

Refrain means don't do it. A refrain in music is the part you'd better not try to sing.

I know what a sextet is but I'd rather not say.

Most authorities agree that music of antiquity was written long ago.

My favorite composer was Opus. Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music.

Henry Purcell was a well-known composer few people have ever heard of.

Johann Sebastian Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic.