Subscriptions
Steve and Cliff are having this talk.

Steve says, "My wife lets me subscribe to National Geographic and Playboy for the same reason."
Cliff says, "Why?"

Steve says, "Because with both magazines, I get to see places I'll never get to visit."

Cosmo
According to a new article in 'Cosmopolitan' magazine, they say the position you sleep in says a lot about you.

They say women who sleep on their sides are sensitive,
women who sleep on their stomachs are competent,
and women who sleep on their backs with their ankles behind their ears are very popular.

Old Aunt Cora
Old Aunt Cora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her troublesome constipation. "It's terrible," she said to the doctor. "I haven't moved my bowels in more than a week."

"I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor.

"Oh, yes," Aunt Cora replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a good half of an hour in the morning and then again at night."

"No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?"

"Of course I do." she answered, "I take a magazine."

Home Alone
A salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the front door.

It's opened by a little ten year-old boy who has a lighted cigar in one hand, a glass of whiskey in the other and a Penthouse magazine tucked under his arm.

Salesman: "Hello son. Is your mom or dad home?"

Little boy: "What do you think?"

Reading on a Plane
A man is sitting next to a woman on a jet, which is getting ready to take off. Suddenly, the man sneezes. He unzips his pants and wipes the end of his penis off with his handkerchief. He zips up, and continues reading his magazine.

The woman cannot believe what she just saw. Then he sneezes again, unzips, pulls out his penis and wipes it off with a handkerchief.

The woman says, "Excuse me sir, but that is disgusting and rude, and if you do it again, I am going to call the flight Attendant and have you removed from this plane.

He says, "I am so sorry that I have offended you. I have this very rare, embarrassing physical handicap that causes me to orgasm every time I sneeze."

The woman, disarmed by the man's honesty, and somewhat embarrassed by her own callousness, says, with sympathy, "Oh you poor man, what are you taking for it?"

"Pepper," he says.