A guy walks into a bar with a frog on his forehead and says "Bartender give me a scotch on the rocks."

The bartender returns with the drink, and being kind of curious about the pair, asks: "If you don't mind my asking, how'd you end up with that thing on you?"

Immediately the frog replies, "I don't know, it started out as a wart on my ass!"

Trained Frog
A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.

"Well," said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give oral $ex." "Oral $ex?" the woman exclaimed. "I haven't witnessed it myself, but we've sold 30 of them this month," he said. The woman was skeptical, but thought it would be a great gag gift, so she bought the frog. When she explained the frog's ability to her husband, he was even more skeptical than his wife and laughed it off. In the middle of the night, the woman was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making deafening sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to discover her husband and the frog reading cookbooks. "What are you two doing at this hour?" she asked.

The husband replied, "If I can teach this frog to cook, you're gone."

An actual ad in the London Times.

WANTED
A tall well-built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classic music and tal-
king without getting too serious.

But please only read lines 1,3 and 5.

Frog as an Exotic Pet
Cindy, a beautiful, well-endowed, young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet... As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says:

Snatch Eating Frogs Only $20 each!
Money-Back Guarantee!
(Comes with complete instructions).

Cindy excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her and whispers softly to Ralph, the man behind the counter: "I'll take one."

Ralph, packaging up the frog, says, "Just follow the instructions carefully."

Cindy nods, "Okay," grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, Cindy takes out the instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly what it says to do...

1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume.
3. Slip into on a very sexy teddy.
4. Crawl into bed, spread your legs and put the frog down "there".

She then quickly gets into bed, puts the frog between her legs and, to her surprise, nothing happens!

Cindy is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store".

So, Cindy calls...

Ralph, the man from behind the counter says, "I had some complaints earlier today. I'll be right over".

Within five minutes, Ralph is ringing her doorbell.

Cindy welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there".

Ralph, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says: "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"