On Entering Wal-Mart
A very loud, unattractive, fat, angry woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The Wal-Mart greeter says "Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say to him, "Hell no, they ain't. The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?

"I'm neither blind nor stupid", replied the greeter" never losing his calm demeanor. "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice."

Men's Wear
A commercial property owner has three shops in a row, all for rent.

The first prospective lessee shows up, and says he wants to rent the shop on the left.

The owner says, "Fine, what kind of shop do you have?"

The guy says, "A men's wear shop."

The owner tells him he gets free signage, and asks what he wants on the sign.

"Men's Wear," says the man.

A second guy comes along, and wants to rent the right-hand shop.

When asked, he says he wants "Men's Wear" on his sign. The owner tells him that the left hand shop will be the same.

"No problem," says the man.

Finally, a third man comes along, to rent the middle shop. The owner is most concerned, because this guy also has a men's wear shop.

Rather wearily, the owner asks him what he wants on his sign. The guy replies, "Entrance."

The Boy and the Barber
A young boy enters the barber shop and Bill the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" whispers the barber.
"That kid never learns! He's got to be the dumbest kid in the world."

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!"

A sale representative stops at a small manufacturing plant in the Midwest. He presents a box of cigars to the manager as a gift.

“No, thanks,” says the plant manager. “I tried smoking a cigar once and I didn't like it.”

The sales rep shows his display case and then, hoping to clinch a sale, offers to take the manager out for martinis.

“No, thanks,” the plant manager replies. “I tried alcohol once, but didn't like it.”

Then the salesman glances out the officer window and sees a golf course. “I suppose you play golf,” says the salesman. “I'd like to invite you to be a guest at my club.”

“No, thanks,” the manager says. “I played golf once, but I didn't like it.”

Just then a young man enters the office. “Let me introduce my son, Bill,” says the plant manager.

“Let me guess,” the salesman replies. “An only child?”

3 business men enter a hotel to share a room for the night, to save on expenses.

The desk clerk charges them $24 so each puts up $8.

Later the manager returns and notices the clerk over charged the special rate of 3 for $20 so he tells the clerk to give the business men back $4.

While he goes to the room the clerk realizes that the 3 men can’t split the $4 evenly so he pockets a $1 and gives them $3 back.

Thus each man paid $7 and the desk clerk pocketed $1. $7 times 3 is $21 plus $1 = $22.

What happened to the other $2 to make up $24?