How To Tell When You Are Spending Too Much Time With Your Computer:

You start introducing yourself as "lord at pacbell dot net"

Your wife drapes a wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like

You check your mail. It says "no new messages". So you check it again

Your phone bill is delivered in a box

You name your children Eudora, Mozilla, and Dotcom

All of your friends have an @ in their names

You tell the cab driver you live at http:// 123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html

You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't have a job.

You get a tattoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 3.01"

You never have to deal with the busy signals because you never log off

You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet

You start tilting your head sideways whenever you smile :)

Your spouse says communication is important in a marriage, so you buy another computer and install another phone line so that the two of you can chat

As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button

Your computer goes down, you haven't logged in for two hours.
You start to tremble.
You pick up the phone and dial your Internet access number.
You try to mimic computer noise in order to connect.

DOS Days Remembered

• Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
• COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key 3. Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
• Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
• Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
• My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
• C:WINDOWS C:WINDOWSGO C:PCCRAWL
• C:DOS C:DOSRUN RUNDOSRUN
• -{----- The information went data way --------[
• Best file compression around: "DEL ." = 100% compression
• The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
• BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
• The name is Baud......, James Baud.
• BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
• Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
• C: Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
• Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
• Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
• As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
• Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
• Backups? We don' NEED no steenking backups.
• E Pluribus Modem
• ... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
• Ethernet (n): something used to catch the Etherbunny
• A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
• An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
• CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C. (Y/n)?
• Does fuzzy logic tickle?
• A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.
• 11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium.
• 24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?
• Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
• Windows: Just another pane in the glass.
• SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .
• Who's General Failure & why is he reading my disk?
• Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
• RAM disk is not an installation procedure.
• Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
• All computers wait at the same speed.
• DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.
• Go ahead, make my data!
• Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
• Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
• ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
• E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.
• Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!
• All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
• Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
• "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981
• DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
• Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
• Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
• Press any key...... no, No, NO!! Not THAT one!
• Press CTRL-ALT-DEL to continue ...