What are My Choices?
An elderly doctor and a Baptist minister were seated next to each other on the plane. The plane was delayed at the start due to some technical problems. Just after taking off, the pilot offered his apologies to the passengers and announced that a round of free drinks would be served.

When the charming air-hostess came round with the trolley, the doctor ordered a gin and tonic for himself. The hostess then asked the minister whether he wanted anything.

He replied, "Oh No! Thank you. I would rather commit adultery than drink alcohol."

The elderly doctor promptly handed his gin and tonic back to the air-hostess said, "Madam, I did not know there was a choice."

It was mealtime during our trip on a small airline in the Northwest. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in front of me.

"What are my choices?" he asked.

"Yes or no," she replied.

The Secret of Success
One day, a young man new to the company, crossed paths with the senior partner. "Sir," the young man said, "What's the secret of your success? How did you amass your fortune?"

The senior partner put his thumbs in his cashmere wool, hand-tailored vest and said, "Well, it was during the great depression. I bought an apple for a nickel one day. I spent the whole day polishing that apple and at the end of the day, I sold it for a dime. The next day, I bought two apples, spent the whole day polishing them and at the end of the day, I sold them for 20 cents. By the end of the week, I made $1.60, which was a lot of money for those days."

The young man, puzzled, asked, "Yes sir, but how did you get your fortune?"
"Oh, the next week my wife's father died and left us two million dollars!"

What a Coincidence
This guy with a big, shiny black eye was sitting in the airport terminal waiting for his plane. Another guy with a big, shiny black eye came and sat next to him. The second guy looked at the first and said, "Wow! I see you have a black eye too. How did you get yours?"

"Well, it was one of those tongue-twister situations. You see, I walked up to the ticket counter and the ticket agent had the biggest set of tits I've ever seen. So, instead of saying, 'I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh, please,' it came out as 'I'd like a picket to Titsburgh, please.' She leaned over the counter and punched me right in the eye!"

"What a coincidence!" the second guy said. "I got my black eye in almost the same way. You know, one of those tongue-twister situations. I meant to say to my wife, 'Can you pour me a bowl of Toasties, please?' Instead, it came out, 'You've ruined my life, you evil bitch!"