Eating Mexican food is not the cause of gonorrhea.

There is no need for dice in role-playing.

Intercourse doesn't happen on a highway.

If you engage in oral sex first, it's not called a head start.

If she says she's into "bondage," don't show her your financial portfolio.

You can lie down during a one-night stand.

When a woman talks about waiting for the "right time," she's not referring to a commercial break.

Only sleep with someone you love or can say you love without smirking.

Making out doesn't mean getting your money's worth.

A condominium is NOT the smallest size they make.

If your wife tells you sex is a 'pain in the ass', turn her over.

A porn shop will not give you money for your used stuff, that's a pawn shop.

Doing the missionary position does not mean you have sex in a church.

If she says "doggy style," Do NOT whip on down to the local ASPCA center.

Kama Sutra is not a martial art ... therefore don't tell your lover that you have a black belt in it.

Well-endowed is not a reference to the size of your bank account.

If your stomach hurts it is not an orgasm, more likely indigestion or appendicitis.

Wise Sayings
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
* Tom Clancy

"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
* Steve Martin

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
* Woody Allen

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday .night."
* Rodney Dangerfield

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL."
* Lynn Lavner

"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist."
* Matt Barry

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
* Camille Paglia & Bill Anderson

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant."
* George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
* Sharon Stone

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex ~ no matter what she's reading."
* Steve Jobs

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it., so I said "Thyroid problem?'"
*Arnold Schwarzenegger

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
* Tiger Woods

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
* Jack Nicholson

He never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
* Barbara Bush

"Ah, yes, Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
* Robin Williams

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
* Roseanne

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
* Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
* Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms.
They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
* Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.'"
* Jerry Seinfeld

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
* Rod Stewart

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
* Robin Williams

Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts
*Jeff Foxworthy