Chipmunks
Three guys were out in the woods bear hunting. One of the guys says "I am going to sit by this tree".

Knowing the first guy was new to hunting, the other two guys say to him, "Whatever happens, don't say a single word".

So the man sitting by the tree agrees with the other two so they start walking some where else to sit. Then just as they were about to sit down, they here the other guy scream. They run back to the man that they left behind. When they get there the man is still sitting by the tree.

Confused, the two men said, "Why did you scream? We told you not to say anything no matter what happened."

The guy looks the other two right in the eyes and says, "When that snake crawled over my legs, I didn't scream. When that bear growled right in my face, I didn't scream. But I could hold it no longer when them two chipmunks crawled up my pantlegs and said to each other, "Do we eat here or take them to go?"

The Sick Skunk
A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive. It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us and get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"

He says, "O.K., get in the car with it."

"Where shall I put it to get it warm?"

He says, "Put it in between your legs, it's nice and warm there."

"But what about the smell?"

"Just hold its nose."

December 28th
Please read this carefully! I don't want this to happen to you!

Don't go to the bathroom on December 28th. CIA intelligence reports that a major plot is planned for that day. Anyone who takes a poop on the 28th will be bitten on the butt by an alligator. Reports indicate that organized groups of alligators are planning to rise up into unsuspecting American's toilet bowls and bite them when they are doing their dirty business.

I usually don't send emails like this, but I got this information from a reliable source. It came from a friend of a friend whose cousin is dating this girl whose brother knows this guy whose wife knows this lady whose husband buys hotdogs from this guy who knows a shoeshine guy who shines the shoes of a mailroom worker who has a friend who is a drug dealer who sells drugs to another mailroom worker who works in the CIA building. He apparently overheard two guys talking in the bathroom about alligators and came to the conclusion that we are going to be attacked.
So it must be true.