Photo Radar Trap
An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate.

The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result.

"This guy must have screwed up the settings," the off-duty officer thought.

A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat belt!

Fine
Joe was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defense.

"They should not put up such misleading notices," said Joe.

"It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE."

Seat Belt
A California policeman pulled a car over and told the driver that because he had been wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 dollars in the statewide safety competition.

"What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman.

"Well, I guess I'm going to get a driver's license," he answered.

"Oh, don't listen to him," yelled the woman in the passenger seat. "He's a real jerk when he's drunk."

This woke up the guy in the back seat, who took one look at the cop and moaned, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said in Spanish, "Are we over the border yet?"

Monkey Language
A police officer came upon a terrible car crash where two people had been killed. As he looked at the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said, "I wish you could talk."

The monkey looked up at the officer and nodded his head.

"You can understand what I'm saying?"asked the officer.

Again, the monkey nodded.

"Well, did you see what happened?"

The monkey nodded. He pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up to his mouth.

"They were drinking?" asked the officer.

The monkey nodded. The monkey then pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth, sucking deeply.

"'They were smoking marijuana too?" asked the officer.

The monkey nodded. He made a sexual sign with his fingers

"So they were playing around as well!?" asked the astounded officer.

Again, the monkey nodded.

"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and playing around before they wrecked the car?"

The monkey nodded.

"What were you doing during all this?" asked the officer.

The monkey held up his hands on an imaginary steering wheel.