Top Ten Things Elvis Would Say If He Were Alive Today
10. "Turn on Regis -- I feel like some target practice"

9. "Wow, Canada really does offer great savings on prescription drugs!"

8. "Why do I have to pay $35 to get into my own house?"

7. "From now on I want to be known as E. Diddy"

6. "Tell Cybill Shepherd to get her ass over here. King wants some lovin"

5. "Big Mac, 9-piece McNugget and do you have Whoppers or is that the other guys?"

4. "Doctors don't know anything -- all cholesterol is "good" cholesterol"

3. "John Wayne never would have made a cowboy movie"

2. "My daughter married who?"

1. "Sonny! Red! Get me out of this coffin!"

JESUS and ELVIS - Coincidence or Cosmic Plan?
JESUS is the Lord's shepherd.
ELVIS dated Cybil Shepherd.

JESUS was a carpenter.
ELVIS' favorite high school class was wood shop.

JESUS was the lamb of God.
ELVIS had mutton chop sideburns.

JESUS' Father is everywhere.
ELVIS' father was a drifter, and moved around quite a bit.

JESUS was part of the Trinity.
ELVIS' very first band was a trio.

JESUS said: "Love thy neighbor." (Matthew 22:39)
ELVIS said: "Don't be cruel." (RCA 1956)

JESUS walked on water. (Matthew 14:25)
ELVIS surfed on water. (Blue Hawaii, Paramount:1965)

JESUS' entourage, the Apostles, had 12 members.
ELVIS' entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members.

JESUS was first and foremost the Son of God.
ELVIS first recorded with Sun Studios, performing what are still considered
to be his foremost recordings.

JESUS said, "If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink." (John 7:37)
ELVIS said, "Drinks on me!" (Jailhouse Rock, MGM:1957)

"JESUS' countenance was like lightning, and his raiment white as snow."
(Matthew 28:3)
ELVIS wore snow-white jumpsuits with lightning bolts.

JESUS fasted for 40 days and nights.
ELVIS had irregular eating habits. (eg: 5 banana splits for breakfast)

JESUS said: "Man shall not live by bread alone."
ELVIS liked his bread with peanut butter and bananas.

Matthew was one of JESUS' many biographers. (The Gospel According to Matthew)
Neil Matthews was one of ELVIS' many biographers. (Elvis: A Golden Tribute)

Mary, an important woman in JESUS' life, had an Immaculate Conception.
Priscilla, an important woman in ELVIS' life, attended Immaculate Conception High School.

JESUS H. CHRIST has 12 letters.
ELVIS PRESLEY has 12 letters.

No one knows what the "H" in "JESUS H. Christ" stood for.
No one was really sure if ELVIS' middle name was "Aron" or "Aaron".

JESUS wore a crown of thorns.
ELVIS wore Royal Crown hair styler.

JESUS had his famous Resurrection.
ELVIS had the famous 1968 "comeback" TV special.

JESUS lived in a state of grace, in a Near Eastern land.
ELVIS lived in Graceland, in a nearly eastern state.

BUT WAIT - THERE'S MORE!
The letters in ELVIS also spell: "Lives", "Evils", and "Viles".

The letters in JESUS don't spell much of anything else. But then, neither do the letters in PRESLEY.

However, JESUS CHRIST does transmogrify to: "Chess Jurist", "Rich Justess" (close enough), "Sterjc Sushi" (Czech fingerfood), "Such Sister J" (a possible `friend' of Elvis??), and "Such jest, Sir!"

Further, ELVIS PRESLEY will also spell: "Less Vile Prey", "Silly Vespere", "Peerless Vily", and "Riply's Sleeve" (Believe It or Not!)

Moreover, "Christmas" has the same number of letters as "Graceland". And the three letters shared in common, spell both "arc" and "car".

Lastly - and this is an Internet Exclusive - JESUS and ELVIS were never both seen in the same place at the same time.

It is left to the Reader to make the obvious connection.