Toilet training a young child is always a matter of pot luck.

Ever wonder why some people won't drive during daylight hours in a certain part of California? It's 'cause their doctors told them to stay out of the sun to avoid car Sonoma.

The bar mirror allowed him to watch his drinking.

The priest did not appreciate the smell coming from the commune. He was incensed.

The dentist mistakenly poured sulphuric acid in his patient's mouth. It was a case of acid dental death.

Most people thought the location of the church under the billboard was an accident, but it was really by design.

She dumped the guitarist because he wanted to string her along.

Dieting is a way of living a little longer by starving yourself to death.

As he approached the bridge in rush hour, his radio played The Car Strangled Spanner.

When the trucker passed the mountain driving test, he made the grade.

One young lady told a friend, 'Whenever I'm down in the dumps I buy myself a dress.' The other one said, 'I've always wondered where you got them.'

While delivering 1000 gallons of dark pigment he almost painted, then blacked out.

When she ran out of window cleaner, Mom faced no solution.

Earthquake predictors are faultfinders.

After he hung the mirror he reflected on it.

I don't think my sister's marriage will last. Her new husband has a foot fetish, and on their honeymoon, he got off on the wrong foot.

There's nothing grate about sliced cheese.

Crack dealers stick their business in other people's noses

I've heard that the government is planning on taxing the mathematically illiterate. Wait!! Isn't that called the lottery?

I used to frequent a buffet restaurant, one where you even get your own drinks, but they still want to get tipped. At the exit there was a box bolted to the wall with a sign on it that said "tip box." I tried to, but it was too firmly bolted to tip it.

I tried snorting Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

If a man were forced to serve two prison terms, I suppose he'd have a compound sentence.

The math department felt they weren't getting enough students registering as math majors, so they made a commercial and aired it on prime time--1 o'clock, 2 o'clock, 3 o'clock, 5 o'clock, 7 o'clock, and 11 o'clock.

Cars driven at night burn midnight oil.

A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

A mathematician scolding his child: "If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times."

If you're sharing an apartment with a sheep and a cow could you consider them as your ruminates?

Applying mascara in a car can cause whipped lashes.