Politically Correct Terms for Cat Owners
My cat does not barf hairballs, he is a floor/rug redecorator.

My cat does not break things, she helps gravity do its job.

My cat does not fear dogs, they are merely sprint practice tools.

My cat does not gobble, she eats with alacrity.

My cat does not scratch, he is a furniture/rug/skin ventilator.

My cat is not a "shedding machine", she is a hair relocation stylist.

My cat is not a "treat-seeking missile", she enjoys the proximity of food.

My cat is not a chatterbox, she is advising me on what to do next.

My cat is not a dope addict, she is catnip appreciative.

My cat is not a ruthless hunter, she is a wildlife control expert.

My cat is not evil, she is badness enhanced.

My cat is not fat, he is mass enhanced.

My cat is not hydrophobic, she has an inability to appreciate moisture.

My cat is not underfoot, she is shepherding me to my next destination (which should always be the food dish).

For Cat Lovers
An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.

Anything on the ground is a cat toy. Anything not there yet, will be.

At least dogs do what you tell them to do. Cats take a message and get back to you.

Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.

Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.

Cat rule #2: Bite the hand that won't feed you fast enough.

Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit.

Cats don't hunt seals. They would if they knew what they were and where to find them. But they don't, so that's all right.

Cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

Cats know what we feel. They don't care, but they know.

Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want.

Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.

I had to get rid of my wife. The cat was allergic.!"