Big John Doesn't Pay!
One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops. A few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.

Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it.

The next day the same thing happened. Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the one after that, and so forth. This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him.

Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself.

So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, "Big John doesn't pay!," the driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, "And why not?" With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass."

Things you’ll Never Hear Father Say
* Well how 'bout that? I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.

* You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for non-chaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?

* I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude. I like that in a young person!

* Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car. GO CRAZY!

* What do you mean you want to play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?

* Your mother and I are going away for while. You might want to consider throwing a party.

* Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickie thingies - you know - that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to the mechanic's and pay whatever they ask.

* No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring. Now quit your belly aching and lets get to the mall.

* Whaddaya want to go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.

* Father's Day? Ah - don't worry about that - it's no big deal.

What a Catch!
John was out jogging when he spied a burning building with a woman standing on a third-story ledge holding her cat.

He ran over and shouted, "Hey, lady, throw me your cat." "No," she cried, "It's too far."

"It's okay. I'm a receiver on the college football team! I can catch it!"

As smoke poured from her window, she finally agreed, tenderly kissed her cat goodbye, and gently tossed it down to John.

Unfortunately, she was no quarterback and the feline bounced off an awning. John ran into the street, jumped all out, making a spectacular one-handed catch, just as he landed flat on the pavement.

The crowd cheered.

Caught up in the excitement, John jumped to his feet, did his victory dance, and spiked the cat into the pavement!