The True Hazards Of Drinking
If government is going to put health warning labels on beer, wine and liquor, let's at least have a little truthfulness about the matter!

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a garbage truck at 100 yards.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a jerk, with assorted things on your head -- lampshades, fruit baskets, underwear...

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay things like thish.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you REALLY THINK while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell ever happened to your pants (panties) anyway.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).

Warning: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, more handsome, and smarter than some really, really, really big biker guy named "Big Al."

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.

The Biker Bar
A drunk walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table.

He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says, "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway butt naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says, "I got it on with your grandma, and she is good, the best I ever had !"

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad, but the biker still says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says......

"Grandpa,.......Go home, you're drunk!"

What Would You Do?
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the Kangaroo. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Scroll Down for the answer

Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!