Things I Hate About Everyone
People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is.
Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"....
Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

When something is 'new and improved!'.
Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumb ass?

Change
A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist. "Come now," coaxed the doctor, "you've been seeing me for years! There's nothing you can't tell me."

"This one's kind of strange..."

"Let me be the judge of that," the doctor replied.

"Well," she said, "yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and heard a plink-plink-plink in the toilet and when I looked down, the water was full of pennies."

"I see."

"That afternoon I went again and there were nickels in the bowl."

"Uh-huh"

"That night," she went on, "there were dimes and this morning there were quarters! You've got to tell me what's wrong with me!,"
she implored, "I'm scared out of my wits!"

The gynecologist put a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"There, there, it's nothing to be scared about."

"You're simply going through the change”