Now, Don't Laugh!
A man goes to the doctors and says, "Doctor, I've got this problem you see, only you've got to promise not to laugh". The doctor replies, "Of course I won't laugh! That would be thoroughly unprofessional. In over twenty years of being a doctor I've never laughed at a patient."

"OK then," says the man, and he drops his trousers.

The doctor was greeted by the sight of the tiniest penis he has ever seen in his life. Despite his best efforts, he begins laughing, softly at first, then uncontrollably. Several minutes later he manages to compose himself and wipes the tears from his eyes.

"I'm so sorry," he says to the patient, "I don't know what came over me, I won't let it happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?

The man looks up at the doctor with sad eyes and says, "It's swollen."

I think I'll go out with Emma
Two residents of an old-age home, Elmer and Martha, are talking to each other Thursday night.

"So Elmer, what are you doing tomorrow night?"

"I'm going to go out with Emma."

"Why? You can go out with me."

"Emma is nice to me."

"I can be nice to you. Will you go out with me?" (coyly for a 80-year old.)

"Welllll .... I think I'll go out with Emma."

"What are you going to do?"

"We're going to go to the movies."

"Why go there with Emma? You can go out to the movies with _me_."

"Welllll .... I think I'll go with Emma."

"Why do you want to go to the movies only with Emma?"

"Well, she holds my penis." (A slight pause while Martha thinks this over.)

"I can do that. Why don't you go out with me instead?"

"Welllll .... I think I'll go with Emma."

"Why go out with her? What's she got that I don't have??"

"She's got Parkinson's Disease."

Recently Circumcised
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.

The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class.

Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to
investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.
"I thought I told you to call your mom !" she said.

"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."