Reasons Why Snail Mail Is Better
SNAIL MAIL can be SHREDDED quickly.

The sender is forced to spend MONEY on the sending process.

Postal glue tastes pretty good.

SNAIL MAIL always calls me "Mr."

I only need to check my mailbox once a day.

Peeling OFF a self-adhering postage stamp is as sensuous an activity as accurately sticking one back ON.

Never having to skip over the ">>>>>" characters.

An aspirin will take care of most paper cuts.

There's no hyperlinks in SNAIL MAIL.

Never having to scroll past 23,000 addresses of folks who received the same boring message that begins with: "This really makes you MONEY!"

SNAIL MAIL makes great kindling.

(gosh, I hope you know what Snail Mail is?? My niece never saw a typewriter before and ...)

Windows Southern Edition
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Windows Southern Edition may have accidentally been shipped outside of the south.

If you have one of these, you may need help understanding the commands. The Southern Edition may be recognized by the unique opening screen. It reads: WINDERS, with a background picture of Waylon and Willie superimposed on a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Please also note:
The Recycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse"
My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption"
Dial Up Networking is called "Good Ol' Boys"
Control Panel is known as "The Dashboard"
Hard Drive is referred to as "4-Wheel Drive"
Floppies are "Them little ol' plastic thangs"
Instead of an error message, "Duct Tape" pops up.
Changes in Terminology In Southern Edition:
Cancel............stopdat
Reset..............try'er agin
Yes...............yep
No................nope
Find...............hunt fer it
Go to............over yonder
Back...............back yonder
Help..............hep me out here
Stop...............kwitit (WHOA!)
Start............crank'er up
Settings..........settins
Programs......... stuff at duz stuff
Documents....... .stuff ah done did